Clarity.
Clarity.
The clarity that came to me from self work, is like having a high definition TV to the world and your surrounding.
——
I had been looking for this clarity for a long time. I knew it existed, I knew I had experienced it before but it was never lasting.
It was like I was at the optometrist getting my view tested and going from lenses to lenses, trying to figure out what was the right prescription.
I could find one that would make sense, but after a short period of time, it was like the glasses were being removed.
Why had it gone away? Why couldn’t I not maintain the vision?
When it happened, it was so beautiful, like the feeling one would get by being able to walk on water or be able to fly. I would feel so free of any judgements. Judgement from myself, and judgement from others. I had tasted it, and man did I want it to stay forever.
It just wouldn’t.
——
The thing is, when you experience something that is so magical, but you’ve yet been able to understand how it happens, it is impossible to maintain.
Consciously, my mind was trying to find a way. My mind was trying to do like I had always done in the past, ANALYSE! For god sakes, I am an engineer, I’ve always been good at science, I always had that curiosity that enabled me to figure out things. Why could I not figure how to stay in the zone?
I would discuss it in my session with my coach. I would explain to her how I was looking to be in that zone. How I wanted to feel free, and at peace with my life, my choices and the way I choose to live.
Many times in our discussions, I would dig deep, and find that sense of clarity and peace. Moments of total freedom, moments of pure amazement.
The thing is, to dig deep in your regular life is not easy. To dig deep in your everyday life requires vulnerability and requires you to show up in the arena.
Days when I did not feel good I have come to realized, where days where I did not operate as the the new moral and life compass I was setting for myself. Days where I did not feel at peace or where I did not have the clarity I had experienced into my sessions, were when I was compromising my values and my beliefs.
Days where I felt good about myself, happened when I was following my intuition. Where I let her guide me through the days, following my gut and having my eyes, my soul and my conscious wide open.
Those days interlaced themselves for many years. It was like going on a roller coaster ride with yourself. Self work can be a pain in your a**! It has kicked me around, back to my butt multiple times. It has brought me to tears, and made me question my journey. There were days where I felt lonely, because the journey is one you set yourself on, not because of others, but because of your desire to change and find a way that will make you feel like you truly are the driver of your own journey.
After years of riding that wave, I have figured out one more piece of the puzzle. I’ve found that clarity, where I feel my life is mostly in balance. Where I feel I am mostly grounded, and trusting my soul through the process. There are still some days where I feel I am paddling against the current, and that is perfectly fine. Those days are reminders that the journey I have chosen is one of self growth, self assessment and also self compassion.
I have been a performer all my life. I have been a perfectionist all my life. I will remain all of those things.They are engrained in me, in my DNA and in the values my parents have instilled in me.
The difference is, although I will continue to strive to perform, I am able to see perfection in different ways.
I have found the clarity that allows me to see and navigate through life with that pair of brand new life glasses, that is now showing me colours that I had never seen before. Life glasses that allow me to see energies and shifts in the universe and in my environment.
There is a spirituality aspect to the whole thing, that I would never have believed into in the past. A larger purpose to life. That purpose, which someone great in my life has been teaching me for years, was to just be me. Just being me has brought me the best things in my life, from my husband, my family, my friends, my work and more.
Clarity. Spirituality. Belief. They make for an amazing journey through life!
The clarity that came to me from self work, is like having a high definition TV to the world and your surrounding.
——
I had been looking for this clarity for a long time. I knew it existed, I knew I had experienced it before but it was never lasting.
It was like I was at the optometrist getting my view tested and going from lenses to lenses, trying to figure out what was the right prescription.
I could find one that would make sense, but after a short period of time, it was like the glasses were being removed.
Why had it gone away? Why couldn’t I not maintain the vision?
When it happened, it was so beautiful, like the feeling one would get by being able to walk on water or be able to fly. I would feel so free of any judgements. Judgement from myself, and judgement from others. I had tasted it, and man did I want it to stay forever.
It just wouldn’t.
——
The thing is, when you experience something that is so magical, but you’ve yet been able to understand how it happens, it is impossible to maintain.
Consciously, my mind was trying to find a way. My mind was trying to do like I had always done in the past, ANALYSE! For god sakes, I am an engineer, I’ve always been good at science, I always had that curiosity that enabled me to figure out things. Why could I not figure how to stay in the zone?
I would discuss it in my session with my coach. I would explain to her how I was looking to be in that zone. How I wanted to feel free, and at peace with my life, my choices and the way I choose to live.
Many times in our discussions, I would dig deep, and find that sense of clarity and peace. Moments of total freedom, moments of pure amazement.
The thing is, to dig deep in your regular life is not easy. To dig deep in your everyday life requires vulnerability and requires you to show up in the arena.
Days when I did not feel good I have come to realized, where days where I did not operate as the the new moral and life compass I was setting for myself. Days where I did not feel at peace or where I did not have the clarity I had experienced into my sessions, were when I was compromising my values and my beliefs.
Days where I felt good about myself, happened when I was following my intuition. Where I let her guide me through the days, following my gut and having my eyes, my soul and my conscious wide open.
Those days interlaced themselves for many years. It was like going on a roller coaster ride with yourself. Self work can be a pain in your a**! It has kicked me around, back to my butt multiple times. It has brought me to tears, and made me question my journey. There were days where I felt lonely, because the journey is one you set yourself on, not because of others, but because of your desire to change and find a way that will make you feel like you truly are the driver of your own journey.
After years of riding that wave, I have figured out one more piece of the puzzle. I’ve found that clarity, where I feel my life is mostly in balance. Where I feel I am mostly grounded, and trusting my soul through the process. There are still some days where I feel I am paddling against the current, and that is perfectly fine. Those days are reminders that the journey I have chosen is one of self growth, self assessment and also self compassion.
I have been a performer all my life. I have been a perfectionist all my life. I will remain all of those things.They are engrained in me, in my DNA and in the values my parents have instilled in me.
The difference is, although I will continue to strive to perform, I am able to see perfection in different ways.
I have found the clarity that allows me to see and navigate through life with that pair of brand new life glasses, that is now showing me colours that I had never seen before. Life glasses that allow me to see energies and shifts in the universe and in my environment.
There is a spirituality aspect to the whole thing, that I would never have believed into in the past. A larger purpose to life. That purpose, which someone great in my life has been teaching me for years, was to just be me. Just being me has brought me the best things in my life, from my husband, my family, my friends, my work and more.
Clarity. Spirituality. Belief. They make for an amazing journey through life!
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