A Christmas Story; Some Memories
It's was just before going to church. It was snowing, maybe, can't really recall.
The car was running. Everyone was in the car. It was warm and cozy. Well, almost everyone. Dad was still inside. Running behind as usual, making us wait.
He finally came out the door, almost running. He got in the car, his big glasses full of fog. He had that moustache and he was running his fingers on it, making it nice. I can't really remember how old I was, but I remember thinking; I think he just ate the cookies!!! Yes, the cookies we had left on the dinner table, for Santa to enjoy, while he delivered us our gifts. I remember not being upset, or surprised really and not mentioning a thing to my parents or my little sister. It did not really matter I suppose, because what mattered was that it was Christmas Eve, and we were all going to church together and it really felt like Christmas.
It had me thinking, these last few days, about what the holidays meant to me when I was young? What they've meant to me when I was in University? What they mean to me now? And what they will mean to me in the future?
When I was young:
Big family parties. Visits at my grand parents, my aunts and uncles, doing the rounds, going house to house, in the car, even in a winter storm because we had to see everyone. Parties at my grandma's house, when all my aunts and uncles were talking and laughing so loud, you didn't really know what the commotion was all about. My uncle Claude, teasing Grandma like no tomorrow but all the boys still ending up doing the dishes for this one time per year. I still see uncle Fernand and Claude with their funny aprons, being fouls and everyone enjoying it. Sometimes the guitars came out, and we heard those classics and we sometimes still hear once in a while.
It was sleeping on the couch, at GrandMa Oliver and Pepère Armand's house, and waking up every hour because the old clock rang every hour. I remember the smell of the house, and the white tick hair of pépère Armand. He was such a beautiful soul, and his eyes loved us.
In general, it was the sense of "togetherness", of not questioning the reason behind all of it. We were doing it yes, because it was the "thing" to do, but once we were in it, we just enjoyed all of it. We left our grievance and our arguments at the door, because it was family time and we did not question it.
When I was in University:
It was the end of the exam period. Finally that break that I had been waiting for, coming home to comfort. Coming home to the wood stove, to home meals that I didn't have to cook, to mornings spent in bed and days spent in my pyjamas. At that point, it was not about the gifts or parties. Although I remember one of the biggest one we had at my parents house one Christmas, with about 50 people in the house, with all the doors and windows opened, despite the fact it was -30 degrees outside, because dad had decided it was a good idea to heat up the stove and house up to 35 degrees inside.
It was also the time for a new generations, my older cousins having their first children and the family being together with 4 generations in the same place. I have a hard time believing, that this will happen much often anymore, in our lives. It was the reunion between the cousins I hadn't seen in a long time and the start of my "real" life as an adult. I had started to build some stronger knowledge and opinion about life, but still uncertain about a lot of things.
It was a time of change.
What it means to me now:
I was thinking of this in the last few days. I have not had this sense of febrility of Christmas in a long time. Perhaps it's because the last few years have brought so many changes, in addition to how fast I feel they've gone through. I also feel a sense of renewal, and a peace within my soul that I am at the right place in my life. Career wise, family wise and more importantly, with my soul. I've learned a great deal over these years and it's brought me to a space that I had not experience often because. A place where I can find quietness of my thoughts and bring in the energy from the universe. You might start thinking; jeez, what is she on anyway? lol. Trust me, it's got nothing related to substance.
I think we had come to those crossroads in our life, where we are becoming a different person than we were before. Not bad different. Good different. I believe this Good Different has brought me to this place of febrility and expectations of being together with the people that matters and that I love. Expectations yes but not expectations of gifts or a certain party. Expectations of seeing them and seeing how everyone has evolved and progress. Newer or Older. Everyone has a journey.
I think I'm also expecting to share with them. Share some experiences together and being in the moment. A moment that doesn't need to be wrap-up in a fancy paper and a nice bow.
What it will mean to me in the future:
Life brings you to a crossroad, and sometimes the universe pushes you a certain way. You don't have all the answers yet, and you're still not sure what you'll get once you are on the other side of the fence. You have to trust, that regardless of knowing all the answers, that you are following your intuition and your gut feelings.
I'm looking forward to the future, whatever it might bring. I'm looking forward to those next Christmases, where perhaps I will make some new memories, just like the Christmas I have realized that my dad was really Santa Clause, or was at least helping him eat all the cookies, so he didn't get too fat to hop back in his sleigh. :)
I hope my little memories inspire you to get to the holiday season's with some perspectives, that perhaps, all that really matters, is the memories you make, the experiences you live, and not the gifts that you give.
Cheers!
Véro xx
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